Minnehaha Parkway

Minnehaha Parkway is a well-known trail that snakes along Minnehaha Creek, all the way from the famous and beautiful Minnehaha Falls through South Minneapolis, weaving between Lakes Hiawatha and Nokomis, until it ends at Lake Harriet.  City Pages named it their Best Trail of 2012, which makes them the most respectable publication in Minnesota, but also failed to include them in their "Top 5 Bike Trails in the Twin Cities," which makes them sensationalist fascists.

Accessibility: 9 out of 10.  If you are anywhere within the area of South Minneapolis, you can probably just start riding and you'll hit the parkway at some point.  You can get on the trail via S Minnehaha Drive, 36th, 32nd, 31st, Nokomis, 30th, 28th, Cedar, 16th, Bloomington, 14th, 12th, Chicago, Portland, 50th, 3rd, Stevens, Pleasant, Lyndale, 49th, and Harriet Parkway.  That's one hell of a list. In fact, the only reason I'm not giving it a 10 out of 10 is because it might be a little too accessible...a few of those access points are at stoplights, which kinda interrupts the whole "I THINK SOMEONE KILLED ME IN MY SLEEP LAST NIGHT, BECAUSE THIS IS HEAVEN" feeling you get while riding on this trail.

Smoothness: 8 out of 10.  I think there's a crack or two on the trail's pavement, specifically between Lyndale and Chicago, and some of the crosswalks you have to go over cause a few bumps along the way.  Overall, it's nothing too bad by any means, but just keep a look out.

Scenery: 10 out of 10. It might be easier to list what isn't nice to look at on Minnehaha Parkway, so here it goes...there's a block where you cross 50th Street near Lake Harriet that's a little bit boring. Apart from that, OH MY GOD.  Minnehaha Falls is a blast to explore (and inspired one of Longfellow's best works, if you're into that kind of thing).  The babbling creek parallels the trail and is always a nice sight to see, and the neighborhood residences by the creek are quaint, distant, but still interesting to look at.  The calm Lake Hiawatha feels like something straight out of the Boundary Waters.  Even the trail's I-35W underpass is insanely enjoyable to bike through, with a quiet one-lane road on one side of you and the rocky shores of the creek on the other.  And that's a freaking freeway underpass.  I've never seen an underpass that clean and relaxing...it's the antithesis of what an underpass should be.

The best part of it is that every once in a while, the trail gives you a quick reminder that yes, you're in the middle of a bustling metropolis.  Between the trees and the wooden pedestrian bridges, you can still see the residential areas and cars on one-lane roads enjoying the parkway with you.  It's a goddamn utopia.

Fun: 10 out of 10.  I don't know if you've noticed over the past few paragraphs, considering I've called everything about the trail "beautiful" and accused City Pages of being Nazis, but I really, really like Minnehaha Parkway.  And the main reason I like it is that, at its heart, it's one of the most fun, winding, hilly (but not too hilly, West River Parkway), and yet serene parkways in the Twin Cities.  This is partially based on the physical geography it interacts with...because it mirrors the turns of the creek so closely, you won't go too long before an s-turn, or a sweet quick hill up and down a pedestrian bridge, or whatever else floats your boat.  The portions of the trail between Lake Hiawatha and Hiawatha Ave., and between 50th Street and the I-35 underpass are especially good at this.  It just keeps a smile on your face the whole way through.

It just feels like this parkway knows exactly what you want, when you want it.  If you're starting to get a little bit bored with the straight part of the trail next to Lake Nokomis, it responds by saying "HEY I KNOW YOU'RE BORED.  YOU WANT SOME S-TURNS AND A SWEET BRIDGE?!?" and you're like "HELL YES I WANT SOME S-TURNS AND A SWEET-ASS BRIDGE!"  Scenery of trees and residences getting a bit redundant for you?  It goes "SUP MAN, CHECK OUT THIS STATUE OF A BUNNY," and then you go "I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S EVEN THERE, BUT WOW THAT'S COOL." And then you realize that trails can't actually talk, and you're just yelling to yourself, and people are staring.  Who cares, YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

 

AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE BUNNY. 

Other information:

-Like the West River Parkway, Minnehaha has a speed limit of ten miles per hour as well.  Again, though, nobody complies or enforces that rule, so as long as you don't run over any children or whatever with your NEED FOR SPEED you should be fine.

-I wouldn't necessarily say that this trail is meant for your daily commute in comparison to ones like the Midtown Greenway or Cedar Lake Trail.  That being said, if you're trying to get from Penn Ave. to Hiawatha Ave. or something along those lines, it works very well.  Come to think of it, it might be faster to take Minnehaha than some of the straight roads like 42nd.

-As expected with a trail this good and this conveniently located, it is also very popular, especially with families. So again, keep an eye out, especially around turns.

-Man, I love this parkway. Here are a bunch more photos.

 

Sweet.

Overall: 9.5 out of 10.  One of the top 5, if not the best, trail in the Twin Cities area.

Dinkytown Greenway

The Dinkytown Greenway is the newest addition to the Twin Cities' expansive list of trails, quietly opening in July 2013.  It goes directly under the University of Minnesota's famous Dinkytown neighborhood, home of the place that Bob Dylan started playing music, according to your dad every time he talks about his college years.  It also connects the U's Transit(andbike)way to the West River Parkway.

Accessibility: 4 out of 10.  This was a huge surprise for me, considering you have a new trail located in a very accessible, centralized part of the Twin Cities, but it is actually kinda difficult to get on this Greenway in the first place.  You have only three entrances to the trail: Bridge No. 9 in the west (which connects to West River Parkway), a connection to 5th St. in the middle, and when the trail meets with 6th street in the east (which connects to the transitway).  Not a lot of options if you need to get on that trail, honestly.

However, there is also a road starting very close to the Stone Arch Bridge, just south of Main Street, that takes you under I-35, next to some boxcars, and right to the trail itself.  That being said, I'm not sure if this route is actually legal to take, so make sure nobody's looking DON'T TAKE THIS ROUTE, AND BE RESPECTFUL OF LAW ENFORCEMENT.

Smoothness: 10 out of 10.  This is the smoothest thing I've felt since they let me touch the 1500 thread count bedsheets at JCPenny.  No cracks, no holes, maybe one storm drain.  It makes sense, of course, considering this is probably the newest bike trail in the city, but still.  So nice.

Scenery: 5 out of 10.  This trail is a "rail to trail" conversion, which means that it takes a (semi-)abandoned railbed and turns it into a nice-ass bike trail.  In this specific case, that means building it basically underground, in a valley in the shadow of Dinkytown.  And, unfortunately, when you're in a railbed with everything else 20 feet above your head, there's not a lot of scenery to be noticed, with the exception of these three areas:

-TCF Bank Stadium.  In the northeastern part of the path, the trail takes you past both the modern engineering buildings just built by the University and, for you football fans out there, TCF Bank Stadium.  It's a pretty cool sight.
-Certain glimpses of Dinkytown.  HEY LOOK THERE'S ANNIE'S PARLOUR.  AND THAT OLD BRIDGE WITH THE GOLD "M" ON IT.  I mean, that's pretty much all you can see from down in the Greenway, but hey, it looks pretty nice at night.
-Northern Pacific Railroad Bridge #9.  I'm not sure if this is technically under the jurisdiction of the Greenway itself, but it's closer to it than any other bike trail, so let's count it.  Point is, it has a fantastic view of the river, the I-35 Bridge, and the gorgeous Minneapolis skyline.  If the Dinkytown Greenway gets more people on that bridge to see the view, then it's already proven its worth.

Other than that, yeah, you're in a trench in the ground.  Not too much scenery down there in the depths.

Fun: 3 out of 10.  It is a pure, unadulterated commuting trail.  It is straight, flat, and gets you where you want to go as fast as you possibly can.  I think there are three turns in the whole thing. "Fun" is not in its vocabulary, which is fine, because it's not that kind of trail.  It's not something you absolutely want to ride, but it's something you need to ride to get to the place that you absolutely want to ride.  It's just trying to help, without needing any of the glory.  It's the John Stockton of bike trails.

Other information:

-At night, this trail is a mixed bag.  On the one hand, the view from Bridge No. 9 is absolutely beautiful, with downtown lit up and the I-35 Bridge shrouded in blue.  It's also pleasantly well-lit.  BUT, there are some specific dark spots where you think to yourself, "Oh, yeah, I could definitely get mugged there," and it kinda ruins the ride.

-It is a very, very quiet ride.  Not many people seem to know about the Greenway itself just yet.

-This is probably going to be the lowest reviewed trail on here for a while.  However, in the past year or so when I had to get home from work late on Friday nights, it was either take this route or go on the "frat rows" of University Avenue.  Now, there's plenty of untrue stereotypes about college students that I don't want to continue, but I think even they can agree that drunken college students are the worst people on the planet.  Therefore, this trail is an absolute godsend.

Overall: 4.8 out of 10.  It was meant to connect the UMN transitway to the Railroad #9 Bridge, and by god it does that part pretty well. There's some room for improvement, though.

West River Parkway

The West River Parkway is a nice, albeit bumpy, trail that starts just above Downtown Minneapolis (north of Broadway Avenue) and snakes alongside the Mississippi River down to the Ford Parkway, where it turns into Godfrey Parkway.  It won City Pages' 2013 Award for best trail in the Twin Cities, which I bet the trail would love to put on its mantle if trails had mantles. 

Accessibility: 10 out of 10.  If you are anywhere near the Mississippi River between North Minneapolis and Ford Parkway, you're probably going to end up on this thing.  There are access points from Ford, Franklin Ave., Bridge Number 9, Hennepin Avenue Bridge, 20 different places in central Minneapolis...it's difficult to miss, is what I'm saying.

Smoothness: 5 out of 10.  This is pretty difficult to judge, because between Godfrey Parkway and I-94 you're going to have some pretty smooth sailing...in fact, come to think of it, I don't really remember any bumps at all within that area.  Very, very nice.  Then you get within a half-mile of the Washington Avenue Bridge, and the trail gets a little bit...rumbly.  Like they haven't fixed it up for quite a while, and it shows.  It stays like that until the I-35 bridge (where they kinda had to redo the trail a few years ago, for...some reasons) and then it gets okay again.

Then you hit Mill Ruins Park, and all hell breaks loose.  There are large, deep cracks that aren't fixed, a boardwalk by the ruins themselves that is not smooth by any stretch of the imagination, and you just keep clunking along like that until the trail ends.  I think my butt was crying for mercy somewhere around Hennepin Avenue Bridge.  So, if you like your trails to be spotless, it's probably best to jump off before you get too far north.

Scenery: 9 out of 10.  You know what this trail has?  Variety.  Just a perfect amount of variety.

The northern part of the trail brings you right down by the river's edge, with no high bluffs in between you and the Mississippi.  It takes you underneath the absolutely amazing Hennepin Ave. Bridge, lets you explore both the history of Mill Ruins Park and the Stone Arch Bridge, and the contemporary with a view of downtown and the Guthrie Theater.  You go under I-35, Bridge No. 9, Washington Avenue, Franklin Avenue...well, you know what, do you like bridges?  If so, cool, this is pretty much made for you.

After a long and hefty climb, you get up on top of the river bluffs, and the scene is just...pleasant.  You've still got a great "aerial" view of the river, and some phenomenal places to stop and hike down the cliffs, but most of all it's just relaxing.  The trees on the bluffs themselves are especially nice to swing by.  In fact, the only reason I'm giving this section a demerit is because it is right next to West River Road, a scenic two-lane drive that gets a surprising amount of people who drive convertibles and blare music as high as they possibly can.  Nothing brings you out of your ride enjoyment-coma like a jerk and the alt-rock album he thinks everybody enjoys.

Fun: 8 out of 10.  I'm going to get this out of the way now...I'm terrible at hills.  I love descending down them, don't get me wrong, it's the climbing that gets to me mainly because I can't crack a walnut with my thighs like some cyclists.  Not to say it's bad, just that I'm bad at it.

That being said, the parkway, especially in the central part between the Guthrie Theater and Franklin Avenue, is just chock full of hills.  You go up from the Mills, down to Bohemian Flats, up and down just after Washington Avenue, and then there's this massive, just massive hill right before Franklin Avenue.  It's one of those hills that doesn't look that bad at first, but it's big, it's steep, it's long, and just when you think its over it goes "HEY BUDDY HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE MORE."  My legs are destroyed by Lake Street.  So I'm bringing its "fun score" down a notch because of that damn hill.

That being said, the rest of it is completely enjoyable.  Like I said, variety in the relaxation-to-civilization trip that the trail utilizes is a breath of fresh air, and you never really get too used to having the same surroundings.  If you're a history or architecture buff, you'll absolutely love the downtown section, and if you like yourself some nature the southern section is great too.  The trail twists with the river quite a bit (apart from certain points, mainly between Franklin and Lake) which makes the ride a lot more adventurous.

Other information:

-The official speed limit of the parkway is ten miles per hour.  I've never seen anyone comply with that speed limit, and I've never seen anyone enforce it.  Obviously, you shouldn't Lance Armstrong your way through the parkway too hard because there are walkers and children using it too, but I understand that 10 mph is a bit snail-ish for some people.

-Sometimes it is a combined path, so look out for joggers and walkers.  

-CRAZY FACT I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL JUST LAST WEEK: Unlike its western brother in Colorado, the Mississippi is not known for making cliffs, canyons, or waterfalls.  The one exception is actually in the Twin Cities, where there are cliffs high above the river starting just after Saint Anthony Falls and ending just after Saint Paul.  Why just in this specific area? Because Saint Anthony Falls actually used to be near freakin' downtown St. Paul around 12,000 years ago, before slowly eroding backwards towards the confluence of the Mississippi and the Minnesota Rivers.  Here's a short video from the National Park Service giving you a visual of what happened.  So when you're climbing the bluffs on the West River Parkway, you can blame the Falls for that. Man, rivers kick ass.

Overall: 7.8 out of 10.  Scenic but bumpy, hilly but enjoyable.

Previewing Our Reviewing

 

Hi.  I'm an average biker living in the city of Minneapolis, Minnesota.  I have a road bike, but I'm not that fast.  I bike to work, but not crazy enough to do it in the winter.  I pass the people on their fixies and get passed by the people dressed up as Alberto Contador.  Overall, I use it as a hobby and as a mode of transportation, which is what every single other person who rides a goddamn bike says about riding their goddamn bike.  So, generally speaking, I am a very boring cyclist.

Which makes me perfect for this blog.

Over the course of the next few months/years/however long this takes, I, a normal and boring biker, will review every single bike trail within the Twin Cities area.  Or, at the very least, I'll do my best to try...this area is notoriously fantastic for being open and considerate of both commuting and recreational cyclists, and as a result they've built an absolute crapton of trails for the public.  That'll make this take a while, but I think we can power through.

All bike trails will be reviewed according to this criteria:

1. Accessibility.  It's not a fantastic bike trail if its impossible to get on the path in the first place.

2. Smoothness.  Potholes suck, and I'm going to assume that you don't want to ride a trail that results in blunt force trauma to the genitals.

3. Scenery. People like to look at stuff when they ride.  It might as well be good stuff.

4. Fun.  How fun the ride is.  Not exactly FiveThirtyEight level objectivity here.

Now, before we begin, a few quick rules:

1. It has to be a bike TRAIL.  No bike lanes, no bike boulevards.  Obviously, these on-road areas are incredibly important to a thriving biking community, and it would be nice to include places like Pleasant Street near the U of M (I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT GREEN PAINT!), but we can't for two reasons.  The first: it would take a hell of a long time to write this blog.  Do you know how tedious it would get for me to be like "Yeah, 5th Street is okay, but there's this pothole that you would never find on Park Avenue?"  I'd fall asleep writing that. 

The second reason being that it is a lot easier to review the scenery of a bike path without constantly looking out for automobi-JESUS THAT HONDA ALMOST KILLED ME.

2. My ratings aren't your ratings.  I am not you.  Maybe I wish I were, depending on how rich and attractive you are, but I'm not, which means that you and I have completely different tastes in enjoying a bike ride.  For example, I love twists and turns and hills, but if you prefer straight trails and see a review where I rated something 10 out of 10, ride that trail, and then say "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT TRAIL SUCKED," well I can't blame you for thinking that. I'm going to try to alleviate this issue a little bit with longer descriptions of the trail and by pointing out if its better for commuting or recreation, but in the end, it's your opinion that's most important.

Finally, I have to admit to you up front that the idea for this blog is borrowed and/or haphazardly stolen from a guy named Séamus Flynn, who has been reviewing these exact same trails on his website since 2011. This blog will not be too much different, except that there will be a longer description, more photos, more personal stories about the trail itself, and the opinions might be different.  Go check out his site here, it's really good. 

Thanks for reading!  Enjoy this blog, enjoy the trails, and look out for that Honda.